PHOENIX, AZ — Local woman Kelly Reese somehow remained completely unmoved today despite her husband Tom reciting every single word from the Lord of The Rings movies from memory.
"The world is changed: I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it in the air," said Mr. Reese. "That was just a teaser, babe. I can do this all day...pretty incredible, right?"
Though sources confirm Mr. Reese did, in fact, recite several more hours of the movies by heart, Mrs. Reese was shockingly underwhelmed. "I don't know what more she could want," said neighbor Denise Thomas. "Tom nails every accent, gets every dramatic pause right. It's unreal. She's a tough nut to crack."
Disappointed, Mr. Reese has not given up in his continued quest to win his wife's admiration. "We all have our own, personal Balrog to fight. This is mine," said Mr. Reese. "Did Frodo give up when all looked hopeless and lost? No! I'm moving on to memorizing each installment of The Hobbit. That will win her heart for sure."
At publishing time, Mr. Reese had realized that his wife probably wasn't impressed because he forgot to stop the recitation to point out when Viggo Mortensen broke his toe.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
