SCARSDALE, NY — As thousands of illegal migrants continue to arrive in New York, a local white liberal resident was seen quietly removing his "All Are Welcome Here" sign from his front yard.
The man, who asked to remain anonymous to avoid being canceled by friends and neighbors in his gated community, removed the sign shortly after seeing yet another bus full of foreign nationals arrive down the street.
"I want them to feel welcome here…but not, like, HERE here," he said as he tossed the sign away and out of view. "I believe very strongly that these people should be welcomed into this country with open arms and no questions asked, but there's a lot more of them than I expected. And they're…you know…right here close to where I live. That makes it different. Isn't there a red state where they could go live?"
New York's leaders continue to scramble for solutions as the city bursts at its seams with more and more migrants arriving daily. "We're running out of hotels and high schools to house these people," said Mayor Eric Adams. "It's time for the liberals of this city to put their money where their mouths are and open their homes. With their spacious houses and personal chefs, it's an ideal situation to take in some refugees."
The man was unconvinced. "Let's not jump to extremes," the flustered resident said. "When I put up that ‘All Are Welcome Here' sign, I meant, like, ‘here' in the general, American sense. Someplace like Texas or something."
At publishing time, the man and his wealthy liberal friends were petitioning Mayor Adams to renovate the Statue of Liberty to hold up a "DO NOT ENTER" sign instead of a torch.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
