BURBANK, CA—A group of angry penguins gathered today outside Warner Bros. in Burbank to protest the movie studio's rumored decision to cast Colin Farrell as The Penguin in the upcoming Batman flick.
The penguins complain that penguin actors are underrepresented and that it is not OK for a biological non-penguin to play the role. As soon as the Penguin Actor's Guild heard about the possible casting decision, they cried fowl, flocking to Warner Bros.' movie lot to screech their anger and disappointment.
"You cannot erase us!" one penguin cried into a megaphone. "Warner Bros. really has egg on their face. It's just the good old boys club flocking together again. Despite all the squawking about equality, Hollywood thinks they're at the top of the pecking order, and the rest of us are just a bunch of dodos ready to go extinct. It really seems like they're just winging it here. Bunch of chickens!"
"We're gonna make them eat crow for this!" the penguin cried. "They're gonna take a swan dive into irrelevance. If they're so cocksure about themselves, why don't they come out and face us marginalized penguins? This isn't a gray issue---some things are black and white!"
"We will be taken seriously! We are not silly geese!"
The protest was derailed after Warner Bros. threw buckets of fish on the streets to distract the penguins.