U.S. — Engineers demonstrated a brand-new federally approved voting booth Friday that will shower money on occupants when they vote Democrat. The booth is reportedly part of a planned initiative by President Joe Biden to prevent future elections from being stolen.
Lead Engineer Jerry Pastatown slapped the side of the innovative contraption, which he dubbed Mega Vote 5000. "This baby can shoot money out of pressurized cannons at over 60 MPH," he said confidently. "Bills are then funneled through a fabricated wind storm — a perfect storm if you will — where they swirl in the air around the voter."
"Then a 30-second timer starts. It's a great way to reach Gen Z because they have no attention span."
Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre discussed the new voting booth during Friday's press conference. She pointed out a number of key features, such as how it will only dispense cash for voting "correctly" so as to fight Russian disinformation
She then invited Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on stage to help demonstrate the voting booth's operation. AOC was caught up in a torrent of tremendous wind and cash as soon as she voted Biden for re-election.
At publishing time, AOC became stuck inside one of the prototype booths and was tragically killed.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
