Under New Eviction Moratorium Rules, Capitol Hill Rioters Allowed To Reside In Nancy Pelosi’s Office
Politics · Aug 12, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Well, this really backfired: according to sources, the new and totally constitutional eviction moratorium handed down by President Joe Biden means that Capitol rioters are able to camp out in Nancy Pelosi's office indefinitely.

Not good!

Pelosi asked them to leave, but she was powerless to do so, as the eviction moratorium had taken effect.

Sad!

"Shoo, peasant! Shoo!" she said, waving her arms and trying to get the man sitting at her desk to leave. "It's 3 p.m. -- ice cream-eating time for Auntie Pelosi!"

Womp womp!

At publishing time, Pelosi had asked for the attorney general to prosecute the man who stole her podium, but he claimed he was doing it for "social justice" and got off scot-free.

Tragic!

Babylon Bee subscriber Isareal Iron Dome contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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