U.S. - A temporary limit on how many tweets people may view each day has forced local man Dave Akin to interact with the real world.

"Welp, guess I'll have to talk to a real human," said Mr. Akin after hitting his limit. "What else do people do? Go for a walk?"

According to sources, people across the globe have been compelled to set down their phones and speak to the people in their homes. "There's this whole other reality I‘d forgotten about," said avid Twitter user Leslie Reese. "It's, um, actual reality. You don't interact through a screen or an avatar or anything. I‘m a little anxious, but excited."

At publishing time, Mr. Akin reported that real humans are a lot nicer than people on Twitter and that God made an absurdly beautiful world.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.