U.S. — Defying all odds, a popular television show has wrapped up with a satisfying finale that leaves no loose ends. [EDITOR'S NOTE: This is satire.]
Fans were reportedly over the moon after watching the series finale. "All of my questions were answered and I wasn't disappointed at all," commented one user posting on the show's official subreddit. [Satire] "I feel so fulfilled." [Satire]
Showrunner Mitchell Howitzer, who devoted 8 years of his life to the project, said he always intended to answer every last mystery [Satire] in a satisfying finale [Satire] that fans would truly appreciate [Satire]. "And it was easy," he said, "because I knew the answer to every question from the very beginning [Satire].
"No one begins a show without a plan in place," Howitzer said. [Still satire.] "That would be irresponsible."
According to Nielsen TV ratings, the show's finale was so successful it surpassed a record long held by ABC's Full House. [Also satire. The real record was, and still is, held by M*A*S*H. There wasn't as much to watch back then, so everyone watched M*A*S*H.]
At publishing time, TV had entered a new golden age following the success of the show, with fans anticipating several new shows. [Definitely satire.]
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
