WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move aimed at protecting coastal states awaiting landfall of Hurricane Isaias, President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Friday declaring all hurricanes illegal.
Residents of Florida and Alabama braced for the storm, not yet aware that Trump had solved the problem by issuing the executive order to ban the existence of hurricanes from this day forward.
"We have the strongest borders in the world, but for years, we've let these giant storms cross right over them without a visa," Trump announced. "Not on my watch. Under this administration, if a storm wants to make landfall in Florida or North Carolina, it's going to be very sorry, believe me."
The order directs the Department of Homeland Security to immediately deploy Coast Guard ships to serve restraining orders to incoming scary-looking weather fronts. All hurricanes and tropical storms will be required to provide proof of residency before being given passage into the country.
When asked by reporters how the administration planned to enforce the mandate, White House officials clarified that non-compliant hurricanes would be designated as foreign terrorist organizations.
At publishing time, meteorologists reported that Hurricane Isaias had turned back to move toward South America.
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