WASHINGTON, D.C. — D.C. Police Chief Pamela Smith reportedly stepped down from her duties on Thursday because President Donald Trump had reduced crime in the city so drastically that it had made her really bored.
"There's nothing to do," Chief Smith allegedly said on the morning of the 18th before turning in her letter of resignation. "I really miss the days when the homeless were stabbing people left and right and roving bands of feral teenagers were setting cars on fire. Now that was a city worth policing."
Ever since Trump sent in the National Guard, crime rates have plummeted, not only depriving Smith of anything to do but also reducing the morale of officers who got into their line of work to go on car chases and shoot drug dealers. "I used to think the streets of D.C. were dangerous," commented Officer Frank Pestle. "But now it feels more like rural Iowa. Maybe the chief was right to get out."
In her letter of resignation, intercepted by TMZ reporters, Smith wrote: "It's true what they say, you never really miss crime until it's gone. Therefore, I tender my resignation with heartfelt sympathies for the poor fool who takes my place. What I wouldn't give for a good triple homicide case right now."
At publishing time, President Trump had called Chief Smith ungrateful. "I basically did her job for her, and she leaves?" he said. "You know what, she can't leave. She's fired."
Trump sings your favorite Christmas songs!
