GAZA — A potential breakthrough in the Middle East peace process emerged this week with President Donald Trump proposing a two-golf course solution in Gaza.
The proposed courses, meticulously designed by renowned golf course architects, will encompass "36 beautiful holes like you wouldn't believe" that adhere to the highest PGA standards. Palestinians and Israelis will each have their own segregated course flanking a five-star resort built with wood sourced from the cedars of Lebanon.
"It's a desert out there, an absolute wasteland," Trump said. "So I think people are going to love a little greenery. We're going to have date palms, olive trees, and maybe some tamarisk to give the place a little color. It's really going to be something."
According to a recent poll of Gaza residents, no one is particularly interested in golfing but Trump expressed confidence that that would change.
"When I've had a hard day — and believe me, I have a lot of them — I like to hit the links," he said. "No one's going to want to fight anymore when they could be driving balls down the fairway. We're even going to have a gift shop that sells little bumper stickers that say, 'I'd rather be golfing.' It'll be in Arabic or whatever squiggly language they want."
Further sweetening the deal will be over a hundred water hazards. This will reportedly have the benefit of creating a challenge for golfers while also bringing new life to the region. The courses will also be the first in history to have zero sand traps. "They have enough sand," Trump said.
At publishing time, President Trump had been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his creative problem-solving of the Middle East conflict.
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