My fellow citizens — it's time to address the existential threats to our Holy Democracy under the leadership of Our Dear Leader Joseph Biden, and Our Dear Comrade Kamala Harris.
I refer, of course, to the completely absurd, ludicrous, lying, flatulent, philandering, misleading, conspiratorial, and anti-Democratic claims that the BAD ORANGE MAN made during this week's debate, like claiming that Kamala Harris wants to give free transgender surgeries to undocumented migrants.
Can you believe he would say such a thing?
This is a disgracefully absurd lie, completely backward and wrong — nay, even malicious and evil — and it has been consistently debunked and disproved by independent fact checkers.
Wait, hold on...
She really does support giving free transgender surgeries to undocumented migrants?
Of course, she does. Because unlike Trump, she actually has a heart. And according to experts, free transgender surgeries for undocumented migrants are actually essential to a healthy and functioning Democracy.
This isn't a small issue: it touches upon the very essence of our Democracy and freedom. Kamala Harris has eloquently and bravely defended our inalienable rights to provide undocumented immigrants with free transgender surgery, because of course she has. KAMALA HARRIS IS A BULWARK AND GUARDIAN OF OUR SACRED DEMOCRACY AND WE DARE NOT TRUST EVIL BAD PEOPLE LIKE DRUMPF WHO WOULD TAKE AWAY THE FREEDOMS KAMALA GIVES US.
Do not be deceived, my dear fellow citizens: Trump is a liar, maybe even the father of all lies. He's definitely at least the father of a liar. But Kamala is sweet and innocent and a woman of the people. Her word is truth, unlike the ludicrous idiocies of that idiot Trumpy-idiot.
And that's why I'm voting for Kamala.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
