WASHINGTON, D.C. - Trump's employers, the people of the United States of America, have asked him to resign after critics dug up crass, offensive tweets he posted just hours ago.

Several Twitter users searched Trump's recent Twitter history and found deluded all-caps missives fired off to hostile foreign powers, repulsive insults slung against anyone who disagreed with him, and nonsensical rants that displayed a complete lack of understanding of how the U.S. government functions.

Trump attempted to defend himself, stating that he's "grown as a person" since the tweets were posted, and also that the critics attacking him were "low-IQ individuals with pathetic lives." But the damage from his unearthed current tweets was already done, and he was asked to clean out his desk and vacate the Oval Office.