WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump awoke this morning with a giddy schoolboy's excitement, knowing that the Tariff Fairy promises that she will magically leave new manufacturing jobs under the pillow of any good little president who raises tariffs on all the other countries.
Trump awoke in the presidential bedroom as the sun rays began to glisten through the window. A bird sang its morning song outside, announcing the arrival of the dawn as the president excitedly lept out of bed to see what the Tariff Fairy had left for him.
"Oh boy, this is going to be good," beamed Trump after getting a full night's sleep on his extra fill premium MyPillow with the Giza pillowcase. "Everyone is going to say I'm the best president when they see all these jobs. Good jobs. Good paying jobs. Not those jobs like they have in China with the suicide nets."
But, alas, when Trump checked under his MyPillow, he didn't find any new manufacturing jobs from the Tariff Fairy.
"I don't understand. I was a good president," Trump was heard saying in the quiet morning hours. "Not like Crooked Joe Biden. I raised tariffs on China 34%, those ungrateful Europeans got 20%, and Vietnam got 46%. Maybe the Tariff Fairy forgot? What a bum. Worst fairy of all time."
At publishing time, President Trump was seen writing a full letter to the Tariff Fairy, at the suggestion of White House aides, informing her that breaking a business deal with Trump was a "low IQ move" that would result in reciprocal tariffs placed on the Tariff Fairy.
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