WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced the immediate deportation of the infamous "Phillies Karen," a woman who complained until a baseball was taken from a child, to an El Salvador Prison.
"She took a ball from a kid. Who does that?" Trump said. "She's got no place here in America. I have revoked her citizenship. Even the losers and haters in the Democratic Party don't want her here. Adios, Karen!"
Phillies Karen garnered attention Friday when she failed to catch a home run ball and, instead of going back to watching the game, complained about it. A local dad had snagged the fourth-inning homer for his son, but was forced to take it back from him to silence the shrill cry of the harpy in his ear. "Ugh, fine!" the dad reportedly said at the time. "Take it! Whatever!"
The incident went viral, eliciting a passionate response from Trump. "Phillies Karen is a terrible American. She's a nasty woman, and very unattractive too, I might add," he reportedly said while browsing Truth Social and becoming further enraged by the story. "Somebody has got to do something about these people, and it might as well be me."
According to constitutional lawyers, it is not legal for the president to revoke the citizenship of "Phillies Karen," but no one cares enough to defend her. "Honestly, her behavior makes Benedict Arnold look like a saint," said noted constitutional attorney Benjamin Nickels.
At publishing time, El Salvador said it would refuse to take Phillies Karen and recommended she be sent to North Korea instead.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
