WASHINGTON, D.C. — The global trade war reached a new level this morning, as President Donald Trump banged a giant gong to signal yet another increase in tariffs on goods being imported from China.
White House sources said the president had ordered the gong to be present for all announcements related to the tariffs from now on, believing that the sound of striking it was the most surefire way to get China's attention.
"Did you hear that, China?" Trump said after swinging the mallet to bang the gong. "That's the sound of American strength, folks. I could go on hitting the gong all day. It's a beautiful sound. It's the sound of our economy soaring to new heights. And it's also the sound you hear in a lot of those old Kung Fu movies. You remember those? Bruce Lee, what a guy he was."
Administration insiders admitted that while the use of the gong may be construed as insensitive, it had already had a positive effect on negotiations. "We got a call from President Xi within moments the first time the gong was hit," said one source. "We were skeptical that it would help, but it turned out that the president was right. He always seems to know just what card to play. Even the slightly racist ones."
At publishing time, the White House refused to comment on whether or not it had to pay an inflated price to import the large gong from China.
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