MAR-A-LAGO, FL — Last night President Trump made the announcement that he will be running for a historic third term as president after already winning the two previous ones.
"Yes, a third term. A beautiful third term. No one has ever been able to do this before, many think it's impossible, really, but we will," said Trump to the excited crowd. "I easily won the last two elections by more votes than anyone ever before in the history of our country. No one could do that but me, not even Ron DeSanctimonious. We're going to do it again! We will totally win. Win big."
Legal scholars insisted the Constitution prevents Trump from being elected for a third term, but Trump totally shut them down on Truth Social by calling them "4th-rate legal scholars who probably got a less than stellar score on the Legal Scholar Exam."
"We are going to make America a big, beautiful, great, glorious country again," said Trump. "We'll do it with our third term. And by throwing the entire staff of the Washington Post in jail. Doesn't that sound nice?"
At publishing time, concerns had been raised by several in the audience when the 76-year-old Trump wandered aimlessly off stage in the middle of his speech.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
