WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump proudly boasted of his 36% approval rating this week, prompting aides to pull him aside and explain that approval ratings are not at all like golf scores.
According to sources, several concrete examples had to be shown to the president before he began to understand that his approval rating was actually the opposite of good.
"In golf, each hole has a par, and you want to shoot under par, which is why a low score is best. But in politics, you want a high score," explained one aide. "You actually don't want a low approval rating. That's bad."
Trump was reportedly furious. "Why did no one tell me this? Lower is always better. This sounds like fake news," said Trump. "I'm everyone's favorite president, so low must be good. You're wrong and lame. Who hired you?"
The aide explained that Trump himself had hired him, reiterating that while 36 might be a nice score on the front nine, it really wasn't great for politics. "Well, maybe it's not so bad," responded Trump. "If I've got a glass 36% full of Diet Coke, that's better than having no Diet Coke, believe me. Go get me a Diet Coke, loser."
At publishing time, Trump had ordered aides to simply scratch out the 36 and write down a better number, "like we do in golf."
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