GLENDALE, AZ — The presidential race underwent a shakeup today, with Donald Trump adding a Kennedy to his team in hopes he will draw all the sniper fire.
Following an assassination attempt at a Pennsylvania campaign rally in July, Trump sought to take drastic steps to increase his safety for the remainder of the campaign, including bringing on Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., a member of a family with a reputation for being shot at.
"A brilliant move by the Trump campaign," said one political strategist. "With lingering questions about the competence of the Secret Service, Trump has decided to take matters into his own hands. Nothing will draw gunfire away from him more effectively than having a Kennedy standing next to you."
Political experts predicted Kennedy's departure from the presidential race and subsequent endorsement of Trump could be a significant boost for Trump's campaign with the added bonus of being an extra layer of protection from attempts on his life. "It's like having a rodeo clown," one analyst said. "If there are any other would-be assassins along the campaign trail, they won't be able to resist the lure of a Kennedy."
At publishing time, pundits speculated that RFK, Jr.'s endorsement was likely to be rewarded by his receiving an appointment as CIA Director in Trump's administration, which, in turn, could open the door to the ironic possibility of the CIA being killed by a Kennedy.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
