CHICAGO, IL — In a tragic turn of events, the DNC Planned Parenthood abortion bus broke down, resulting in the lives of four babies.
"This is a tragic day," Planned Parenthood Spokesperson Camille Cooley told the press. "Those babies had a right to be murdered by their mothers and now they'll be forced to live long, fulfilling lives. This is a huge tragedy."
Democrats held a moment of silence for the alive babies, followed by an impassioned speech by nominee Kamala Harris decrying the devastating turn of events.
"These women were robbed of their chance to end the lives of their children," Harris said. "When this bus broke down, and I love a good bus, it allowed four otherwise unwanted babies to continue to develop and grow. This is what Trump wants for America!"
Sources close to Planned Parenthood say the organization is deeply sorry for the mishap and is working tirelessly to fix the bus and get their abortion processing services up and running.
At publishing time, the vasectomy bus had also broken down, resulting in no change whatsoever to the already sterile male convention attendees.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
