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Tough Housing Market Forces More Millennials To Live In Van Down By The River

U.S.—A tough, high-priced, and brutally competitive housing market is forcing more and more millennials to live in a van down by the river. 

Many 20-30 somethings are also having to live on a steady diet of government cheese, sources confirmed. They also do a lot of doobie-rolling.

"I went out and thought I could be a writer or something," said Aiden Farley, 28. "But it was pretty clear to me that when homes are going for $750,000 or more in my area, I'll be living in a van down by the river for the foreseeable future."

"There's pretty much no hope," said one expert, Christopher Spade. "You can go out and try to get the world by the tail and put it in your pocket."

"But yeah, you're probably gonna end up living in a van down by the river."

Boomers say the housing market is not a problem, pointing out that if they could buy a new home for a nickel in the 1960s, their grandchildren should have no problem scraping up nearly a million dollars for a fixer-upper.

Nonetheless, some people suggest going ahead and getting a "motivational speaker or something" to help you go and conquer the world and maybe afford a small condo before you get too old. But they say you'll still end up in a van down by the river, most likely.

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