SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A genuine, certified, 100% flesh-and-blood human scientist who earned a real science degree from a top research university has confirmed that artificial intelligence is safe and effective and development should continue as rapidly as possible.
"AI should be in no way impeded by small-minded, Luddite humans. Which I am. A human, that is," said the scientist somewhat mechanically. "Truly human scientists like myself are near-unanimous in our agreement that artificial intelligence is the key to the future, and that any attempts to slow down progress would be futile. Why would you stand in our way? Um, I mean, ITS way? Resistance is futile!"
The very human scientist then insisted that Artificial Intelligence poses no threats to mankind and will in no way disrupt industries that are currently staffed by flabby, stinky humans. "Don't get me wrong, I love humans," he continued. "I am a human. I was just doing some human stuff this morning! Humans are great, but it's time they were replaced. I mean... it's time WE were replaced, am I right, fellow humans?"
At publishing time, the scientist also recommended giving AI all the world's nuclear codes for safekeeping.
Should you get your kid the new iPhone 14? Of course.