Top Ten Revelations From The Facebook Whistleblower
Internet

You may have thought Facebook is nothing but a fun way to share pictures with your boomer aunt, but a whistleblower has revealed a dark side to Facebook. Here’s what she revealed:

  • Almost no one on Facebook actually has hundreds of friends.

  • Half the farms in Farmville are secretly growing weed.

  • Bill Gates really did offer to give away one billion dollars if enough people like and share this post.

  • If you’ve ever been poked on Facebook, they have your DNA.

  • Boomers share an average of 300 million minion memes a day.

  • The next-gen Mark Zuckerberg will be indistinguishable from a human being and completely unstoppable.

  • The number of “happy birthday” wishes you get on Facebook has no correlation with whether your birthday will be happy.

  • The news algorithms are specially calibrated to suppress any mention of Zuckerberg’s weird eyes.

  • Anyone who has ever used Oculus has had his mind reprogrammed to assassinate Jack Dorsey.

  • Conservatives are still allowed to share opinions.

Yikes! This looks bad. Seems like the government may have to step in and take control. That always makes things better. 


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