WASHINGTON, D.C. - Senate leaders revealed today that Biden's "Build Back Better" infrastructure plan will include $86 Billion for a brand-new Capitol Building construction project. The Capitol will be expanded to hold 100 Senators, 435 Representatives, and 1,423 Pfizer lobbyists.
"Better. Build blur, uh, der der trunalimunumaprzure," said Biden in a forceful speech defending the plan. "Derp rug abba loogey."
A hand then appeared from behind a curtain and injected Biden with some sort of medication, causing Biden to come to his senses.
"These Pfizer people, they're good folks, folks! They know what they're doing! We're just gonna let them run the country for a while, I think. More time for me to watch Murder She Wrote on the television box!"
Officials confirmed that to save time, the Biden administration plans to merge all regulatory agencies with Pfizer. They also confirmed that troops will arrive at your house tonight to administer your booster shot. Cool!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
