Top 10 Totally Rad Animals God Should Have Created
Sponsored · Sep 22, 2021 ·

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The natural world is teeming with God's creative genius, engineering brilliance, and artistic beauty. Our only complaint? WE NEED MORE. Seriously--we've had the same animals since God created the universe. Would it hurt to get some new ones? We at the Babylon Bee are geniuses when it comes to thinking of new animal designs. Here are ten ideas: 

1) Boneless chickens: Why do delicious chickens have so many bones in them, anyway? They make it so much harder to eat! We need new chickens without bones. 

2) Talking lions voiced by Liam Neeson: We're not sure why God didn't make all lions voiced by Liam Neeson to begin with.

3) Birds, like, real ones: Everyone knows that birds are all just robotic drones that spy for the CIA. But they're kinda a cool idea. We should have real ones.

4) Cotton candy web-spinning spiders: That way, walking into a spider web becomes kinds of a pleasant surprise!

5) Naked mole-rats with the heads of cobras: Not sure about this one, but it was a special request from Bill Gates. Please God, make one before Bill Gates does. 

6) Dolphins who are a little more sensitive to social justice issues: Seriously. We're sick of dolphins squeaking and frolicking happily in the waves while doing nothing about inequity. So selfish. 

7) Pigs, only all the meat is bacon: We've never been quite sure what the rest of the pig is even for, but it should all be just bacon.

8) A Mitt Romney with the head of a rhino: We already got a rhino with the head of Mitt Romney and it was kind of a dud. 

9) Dogs that pick up their own poop: Would also be cool if they could play poker.

10) Parrots that only recite scripture: What's with these obscenity-spouting parrots? Obvious design flaw. They should only be able to recite Bible verses. 

We think that would be a great start!

NOT SATIRE: Have you seen this video? It's pure beauty! It's a new TV series distributed by Angel Studios, who brought you The Chosen, which has over 200,000,000 views.

The Riot and the Dance is the first nature series that teaches about God and it is making a huge wave. The Director of I Can Only Imagine, which did over $86,000,000 in the box office, said this about it:

"I think this is something your whole family will enjoy. I'm backing this project and you should back it too!" - Jon Erwin*

Check out the video here.

*Success in other projects does not guarantee success in The Riot and the Dance. There can be no assurance that the projected results will be obtained, and actual results may vary significantly from the projections.


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