Top 10 Outdated Family Traditions And What You Can Replace Them With
Sponsored · Oct 21, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: Brave Books

Are you and your backward family still following those outdated family traditions? It's time to drop those archaic and meaningless activities for some family traditions that actually matter!

So get with the times and check out these superior modern replacements!

 

Old: Thanking God for providing this meal

New: Thanking government for providing this meal

 

Old: Taking kids to an art museum

New: Gluing kids to the wall in an art museum to protest climate change

 

Old: Going to church

New: Going to family-friendly Drag shows

 

Old: Carving the turkey on Thanksgiving

New: Carving the crickets

 

Old: Handing over the keys to his first car

New: Handing over his government-issued public transportation card

 

Old: Playing out in the mud

New: Vaccinating your infant 70+ times and hoping for the best

 

Old: Telling your kids not to smoke

New: Begging them to smoke so they don't vape

 

Old: Watching Lord of the Rings

New: Watching Rings of Power

 

Old: Teaching your kids they can be anything

New: Teaching your kids they are mentally ill victims

 

Old: Bedtime stories

New: Oh no! You don't even have kids!

 

Well, now you know. Don't be a knuckle-dragger and get out there and embrace modernity!


NOT SATIRE: Culture is coming! Prepare the next generation with children's books that teach traditional values. BRAVE Books is the conservative book company you've been waiting for. Our books are full of fun and adventure and teach valuable life lessons that will last a lifetime. Each month we partner with a conservative icon to release a new book on a traditional value. Every story takes place on Freedom Island and the stories unfold in Sagas that will captivate your attention and pull you in. When you subscribe to our Book of the Month Club this month, you will get Bethany Hamilton's new book, Surfing Past Fear, and get a free copy of Julie Banderas' book on Perseverance with your first month. Check out all of our titles in the Freedom Island Series at bravebooks.com.


This man is under arrest - for MANSPLAINING!

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more guffaw-inducing chucklefests!

Comments

There are 133 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.