WASHINGTON, D.C. - The government wants you to take climate change seriously, like really bad. So bad in fact, that they showed how very serious they are about the "climate crisis" by inviting a foreign high school kid as their star climate witness.
"Climate change is a real, super serious thing," said Rep. Kathy Castor of Florida at a hearing at which the high schooler had been invited to testify before the legislative body. "And to let you know that this is something that mature adults need to address---mostly by giving me more money and power---here is a 16-year-old girl we are going to exploit for maximum emotional impact."
The girl then gave her testimony, though she was interrupted multiple times by Democrats breaking into tears and screaming, "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!"
"As you can see, this is obviously an issue of reason and science, and also anyone who would dare disagree with a high school kid on this is a denier," Rep. Castor said as the student's testimony concluded.
At publishing time, liberals in Congress had clarified that climate change was serious enough for you to change your lifestyle, but not serious enough for them to change theirs.