While other fake news organizations like the Washington Post and L.A. Times refuse to save democracy, we at the Babylon Bee are proud to do our part. Today, the esteemed Editorial Board of the Babylon Bee has officially voted to endorse Kamala Harris for President.
Why Kamala? Take a look at this incredible list of just a few of her achievements:
As a young San Francisco lawyer, broke into politics by using her stunning intellect to win the favor of 60-year-old Mayor Willie Brown
Ran for President in 2020 and earned zero votes, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was in it purely for the love of the game
After Joe Biden announced he would select a woman of color as VP, she was a woman of color
When Mike Pence was trying to turn America to fascism, bravely intervened by saying, "I'm speaking."
Was such a popular Vice President that over 12 million people hiked thousands of miles from South America to come meet her
She is brat, which we believe means that she is as cool as a bratwurst
So beloved that she became the first person in history to win a primary without receiving a single vote
Wow. How can you put into words the greatness that is Kamala Harris, other than to say that you have to witness its significance over the passage of time? We are just simple folks here at the Bee -- but we know there is great significance to the passage of time.
We are grateful that when America is on the brink of losing its democracy and probably everyone becoming Nazis, the person standing strong against the forces of darkness is Kamala Harris. We at the Bee are proud to stand behind her. We will not be like the Washington Post, destined to be a byline in democracy's requiem, should the nation fall. No -- we stand with freedom, joy, and the ever-twerking figure of Megan Thee Stallion. We stand with, and we proudly endorse, Kamala Harris.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
