MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Sources say local teenager Ben Jackson was really struggling to stay awake the day after only getting 14 hours of sleep.
In a tragic turn of events, Jackson first went to bed at 8:45 p.m. and then was cruelly awakened at the crack of dawn around 10:45 a.m. by his younger sister, leaving him burdened with an almost insurmountable sleep deficit for the rest of the day.
"Mmmhhghtired," Jackson told reporters, fighting to keep his eyelids open. "Wanna go back asleep. Just five more mmingh. Ugh."
Sources close to Jackson say that the lack of sleep was such a handicap that all he could do was drink three gallons of milk and sit on the couch, and text his friends for most of the day.
"Poor kid's been out for the count all day," said Ben's mother, Sheila Jackson. "Maybe he'll get the magic 15 hours tonight and be able to function at a basic human level tomorrow. Like, it would be great if he'd shower at some point."
At publishing time, Ben had revived enough to eat a quadruple helping of dinner and forget to clear his dishes.
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