WASHINGTON, D.C.—Many pundits are calling for an investigation into First Dog Major Biden after the pet was seen selling artwork made of his own feces for $500,000 on the White House lawn.
The dog crapped all over the White House carpet, got out a canvas, and smeared the feces across it, making a piece of art many are calling "magnificent" and "definitely worth a lot of money."
"We're starting to suspect this may be some kind of money laundering or pay-for-influence scheme," said one investigator after the canine offloaded yet another piece of artwork to a Ukrainian buyer for a cool $350,000. "It just doesn't add up. Something fishy is going on here -- and it's not just the tuna it smells like Major ate. Hoo boy."
Major Biden is selling the pieces for hundreds of thousands of dollars, and a meeting with his owner Joe is included as part of the deal. He is also accepting Kibbles 'N Bitscoin. (Sorry).
At publishing time, Donald Trump Jr. was seen making artwork of his dad out of Cheetos. The piece is expected to sell for over $0.16.