It is high time we pulled the wool from your eyes and revealed the truth: Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, former liberal darling turned based Middle-America hero has been doing a bit for us all along.
Ha! Got you!
Liberal America was relieved when a cognitively challenged stroke victim beat Dr. Oz to take the senatorial crown in 2022. Still, few know what led to such an explosive moment in American history. Friends, it took months of hard work and preparation to get to where we are today — and it was worth every minute.
In 2021, we contacted then Lieutenant Governor John Fetterman with the role of a lifetime: run for the United States Senate as a Democrat, wear hoodies and shorts in the Senate chambers, and then surprise everyone by supporting Israel and immigration reform. To pull it off, he would need the support of colleagues and an ingenious smokescreen to keep people from asking too many questions. That's when Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann came up with the brilliant idea to have Fetterman pretend to suffer a stroke. After the election, once the dust settled and everything seemed to be going well for Democrats — BAM! Turns out Fetterman ain't so progressive after all!
Haha! Classic!
To pull it off, we hired an experienced medical doctor and a linguist coach so he could successfully mimic a stroke victim. Then, when he slipped up, and he did, we could point to the stroke. "Oh no, my brain lol," as Fetterman famously said in an interview on NBC's Meet the Press.
And the icing on the cake? Making him double down on his refusal to wear a suit so Congress could waste its time accommodating, and later revoking, changes to the congressional dress code. We're still laughing about it!
This has been a classic Bee Buster! You all just got STUNG by the BEE!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
