GRANDVIEW, MO — A local man reached a historic life milestone today, as after 25 years of adulthood, he was finally able to take a sip of black coffee without grimacing.
Adam Kinunen, who had reportedly made a New Year's resolution to accomplish the feat after years of trying, made his way to ASE Coffee determined to put aside all sweeteners, cream, and flavors to sip a cup of black coffee without making a face for the first time in his life.
"I did it. I finally did it," he said after completing the masculine rite of passage. "As hard as I've tried since becoming an adult, I've never been able to keep a straight face when drinking black coffee. I've always just grimaced and let out a forced ‘Mmmmm.' But today, I've done it. When I leave this coffee shop, I will do it as a real man."
Witnesses said Kinunen was relieved to have the lifelong trial behind him. "He was committed to making it happen," said ASE owner Nate Thomas. "He was all business from the moment he walked in the door. He walked up to the counter, ordered a black coffee, and sat down with a determined look on his face. I could tell he's been working toward this moment for a long time."
After taking his first sip, Kinunen reportedly sat for a brief moment to gauge his reaction and pay close attention to his facial expression. To his surprise, he did not react. "It was touch and go for a second," he said. "I could feel my face almost starting to tense up. But I fought it off."
At publishing time, Kinunen had set his sights on eating a steak cooked rare and downing a shot of bourbon as his next feats to achieve as a grown man.
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