U.S. - A study has discovered a correlation between unsupervised Netflix viewing and transgender identification among children. Experts were quick to point out that this was "just fine" and any concerned parents were transphobic.
"Several test subjects ranging in age from 3 to 12 were given unsupervised access to a Netflix profile," explained child psychology expert, Dr. Ian Phile. "Approximately 80% of the subjects began identifying as the opposite gender within one hour of screen time, with another 10% creating entirely new genders that will have to be added to the International Registry of Genders we manage with a supercomputer."
He went on to explain that it was all very technical and more grant money would be needed to conduct similar studies on Amazon Prime Video and Hulu. "Please give me more money," he added.
Sources indicate children who exited the study with their biological genders intact had been watching episodes of VeggieTales.
At publishing time, Netflix conducted their own follow-up study and confirmed the earlier results were "transphobic nonsense" and that subscribers should tune in for a new Cocomelon episode that "definitely doesn't have a child drag show in it."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
