Health
Study: Lockdowns Successfully Exchanged COVID Deaths For Other Kinds Of Deaths

U.S.—A new study found that government-enforced lockdowns were very effective at taking COVID-19 deaths and exchanging them for other kinds of deaths.

"The lockdowns were very successful at preventing COVID-19 deaths and then trading them for deaths by other causes," said a CDC official. "It was a triumph of government interference with people's lives. We looked at the problem that people were dying by COVID and we said, 'Well, what should we do?' Then we thought about it for a while and decided we would reduce the COVID deaths by changing them to other kinds of deaths."

Suicide, depression, anxiety, starvation, homelessness, mental health problems, and countless other issues have been caused by the lockdowns, but experts want to remind everyone that we may have prevented a few COVID deaths in return. "Totally a worthy exchange," the CDC official said. "Thanks, science!"

Some are concerned that the lockdowns may have actually caused more deaths than COVID deaths they prevented, but these people should not be listened to. They just want grandma to die.

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