U.S. — A new study has just conclusively proved that Jewish people are always cool, their bagels are great, and Israel is number one.
[Ed. This post was sponsored by Israel for $7,000.]
According to several respected scientists, the study found that Jews are the bee's knees, so to speak, and that their yarmulkes are flippin' sweet. Also, they're the best, and they make terrific challah bread.
"Our results clearly show that all Jewish people, especially those in Israel, are just terrific," Levi Benjamin Mendelbergsohn told the Babylon Bee. "In a choice between bacon and Jewish people, survey respondents picked Jewish people every time. We're really very nice, and it would be so great if someone could spread the word."
Other facts that the study determined about Jews are that they are often very witty, incredibly smart, and do not run the world using a mysterious cabal.
"We also do not have a giant space laser, make sure you write that down," Mendelbergsohn said. "We want absolutely zero suspicion about us having a laser or a weather control machine. Ha! What a great joke all of that is."
At publishing time, the editorial team at the Babylon Bee had announced that if any other people group would like to sponsor a post, that would be great as we really could use another $7k.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
