CAMBRIDGE, MA — A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what has been suspected for decades, revealing that 99% of all men pretend to use the Force when opening and closing automatic doors.
The study, conducted at the famed Massachusetts Institute of Technology, revealed nearly universal Force usage among males of all ages when encountering an automatic door, with almost all test subjects admitting they were powerless to resist the urge to wave their hand to operate the doors.
"It's about as close to unanimous as you can get in a scientific study," said Professor Blake Rumsey, who led the MIT research team. "We observed hundreds of thousands of men, ranging from early childhood to well into elderly years, and discovered almost identical results. Automatic doors present irresistible opportunities for men to pretend to use the Force."
All test subjects who were reached for comment confirmed the validity of the study's results. "Oh, yeah, totally," said one man who participated. "I'm bound by duty to wave my hand whenever I'm entering an automatic door. It's the will of the Force. In fact, I'd question the masculinity of any ‘man' who doesn't use the Force to open and close automatic doors."
Researchers were working on a hypothesis that the remaining 1% of men studied who did not use the Force may either be Star Trek fans or women pretending to be men.
At publishing time, a similar MIT study also confirmed that 100% of men would turn to the dark side of the Force within 5 minutes of gaining Jedi powers.
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