CAMBRIDGE, MA - Tenured professor of Abstract Gender Theory and renowned sociologist, Dr. Caryn M. Richards, was confronted with a puzzling criticism from one of her first-year students.
The inquisitive student, Greg Johnson, was perplexed by what seemed like a contradictory position held by his professor. "One second, she was arguing that women are entirely capable of surviving without men," Johnson explained. "The next, she was insisting that women are oppressed victims of an 'inescapable patriarchy.' So, I asked how both could be true."
Students in the class describe Dr. Richards's initial reaction as one of complete shock. "She just stood there with her mouth open and her hands on her hips," one student told us on the condition of anonymity. After a full sixty seconds of silence, students allege, Dr. Richards "lost it" and yanked Johnson out of his chair.
"Typical intolerant male!" Dr. Richards reportedly yelled as she dragged Johnson from his collar into the hallway. "TOXIC MASCULINITY, BEGONE!"
Johnson regrets voicing his confusion. "I now know when she asks, 'Have any questions?' she really means, 'Don't say a word unless you accept everything I say without hesitation.' Lesson learned!" Johnson told reporters as he adjusted his neck brace.
Johnson has since apologized to his professor, his class, as well as the entire student body, claiming that his question came from a place of "subconscious misogyny" and that he won't let it happen again.