ATLANTA, GA — Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams sounded the alarm to her fellow 2022 candidates this morning, claiming in a press conference that the 2022 midterm elections have already been stolen.
"As you know," Abrams told reporters, "I am the rightful governor of Georgia. Brian Kemp stole the 2018 election from me by using the cis-heteropatriarchal, white supremacist tactic of ensuring that the people who voted actually lived in the state of Georgia."
Abrams, cutting a modelesque figure and appearing to grow increasingly agitated, continued with her criticism of Kemp and her expression of disappointment in the coming November 2022 election results. "To actually travel forward in time and steal the election is a new low for Rethuglicans," said Abrams. "But I am not surprised."
When asked how she was aware of the outcome of the 2022 midterm elections, Abrams explained that she had discovered a wormhole-like structure in her kitchen that allowed her to travel across space and time. When this reporter asked if he could see the wormhole, Abrams replied, "No, my kitchen is a mess right now."
Wendy Weiser, Director of the Democracy Program at the Brennan Center for Justice, has joined Abrams in calling out Republicans for stealing the 2022 election. "It's not enough for them to steal elections in the past and present, now they're stealing elections in the future, too," said Weiser. "There truly is no bottom." Weiser called on Democrats to travel to future and past elections to alter their outcomes, but distinguished this from the charges she levied against Republicans, arguing, "It's different when we do it."
NASA scientists are requesting access to the wormhole, but have received no response from Abrams.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!