Health
Space Force Develops Cure For Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The cure for coronavirus has arrived, and it's come from a surprising source: the United States Space Force. Many people mocked Trump for his Space Force idea, but now it's clear that it was an incredibly prescient decision.

The cure for Coronavirus appears to be a large spherical object, said to contain some kind of experimental laser that will wipe out all of the viruses along with all of mankind's other problems.

"This cure for coronavirus is quite operational," Trump assured reporters as he gestured up toward the large object in the sky. "Some say it's too big to be a space station, but they're wrong. It's the biggest maybe ever."

Sources say the space-bound cure-all for humanity's problems wasn't originally part of either the stimulus package or the Coronavirus Task Force's plan. But Trump forced the space station into the package at the last second. "I am altering the deal," he said. "Pray I do not alter it further."

Unfortunately, Space Force engineers left a small exhaust vent in the station's surface, allowing coronavirus to infiltrate the facility. Trump is reportedly working on a second, even bigger space station to destroy the previous space station.

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