NEWARK, NJ — Churchgoers at New Wine Community Church were reportedly dismayed when they were led in singing a sorry excuse for a worship song that didn't even have a guitar solo.
"What on earth is this? No guitar solo?" one disappointed church member was heard asking. "Ugh, this song is so lame!"
The song in question was "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God," written by Martin Luther in the 16th century. Though a powerful and unifying hymn during the early reformation, worship leaders tend to avoid it because of its distinct lack of a guitar solo.
"Honestly, I don't know why the song was ever popular," said Stephanie Bowyer, a youth group teen. "It doesn't even have a drum track. What a drag!"
Worship leader Rick Saxton was reportedly overwhelmed with complaints following services and vowed to never sing the song again. Dozens of church members complained that the song was super lame and they couldn't really worship God without an incredible face melting guitar solo. Saxton has since apologized for leading a weak song so devoid of Holy Spirit power.
Theologians agree that guitar solos are a sign of a truly inspired church and that avoiding them is the first step to spiritual backsliding. "Never again," promised Saxton.
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