LONDON — In the wake of recent geopolitical developments, a team of esteemed biblical scholars said they now believe that the seventh seal in the book of Revelation was likely to be the release of the Epstein list.
As debate continued to rage over the existence of a rumored "client list" that belonged to the deceased alleged human trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, theologians agreed that the likelihood of the infamous document factoring into the biblical account of the end times had significantly increased.
"It's fairly clear to see now," said Dr. Clifford Martin, professor of divinity at London's St. Augustine's School of Theology. "Though much of the information found in the book of Revelation is ambiguous and shrouded in mystery until the end of days, we can now be fairly confident that the opening of the seventh seal from chapter 8 is the release of Jeffrey Epstein's client list."
The scholars stated that having this piece of the mystery finally unlocked could open the door to discovering other secrets of the end times. "There may be even more to be found here," Martin said. "There are now theories that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse may actually be AI robots that will be developed by Elon Musk and Tesla, but that's still conjecture at this point. But the seventh seal? Yeah, totally the Epstein list."
At publishing time, President Donald Trump had stirred up controversy among his supporters by saying the book of Revelation was a "giant hoax."
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