CULVER CITY, CA — Despite woeful returns from its opening weekend, Sony Pictures executives proudly announced that Madame Web has already broken box office records in at least two of the 10,000 multiverses.
While the film has received strongly negative reviews from critics and audiences alike, leading analysts to predict it will be an epic flop and struggle to make up its $80 million production budget, Sony executives were ecstatic about the returns in a few alternate realities.
"On Earth-19529, where Hillary Clinton is President and everyone is required to wear a pink knit hat or they'll be shot on sight, it's the biggest blockbuster in history," said one studio executive. "Do you even know how hard it is to put up these types of numbers in Earth-19529?! This is a huge hit! And Earth-94024? Are you kidding me? It's the biggest movie of all time there. So don't even try to pass this movie off as some kind of failure just because your simple ‘one universe' mind isn't able to comprehend the success Madame Web is having in other parts of the multiverse."
As the film battles its overwhelmingly poor reviews and ticket sales here in our reality, the studio believes it will spark the beginning of a new blockbuster franchise in other worlds. "This is just the start," the executive said. "From what we understand, the entire cast has been signed to a 10-picture deal to continue the story in other splinter realities. This film even has a chance to unseat The Marvels as the most acclaimed and honored movie of all time in Earth-11714. A huge achievement!"
At publishing time, executives did admit that the search for any known alternate universe in which Morbius turned a profit is ongoing.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
