ALTOONA, PA — Local man Ted Woods got tired of all the time spent getting angry online. "There's always something new to get angry at each day," Woods said. "And you never know what time the facts will come out confirming the need to get angry — it could be while I'm busy and don't have time to be distracted with being angry." Thus, Woods came up with a great new strategy: Get angry at things now instead of waiting until all the facts are known.
"Let's say you hear about some new thing that could potentially make you angry," Woods explained. "You could spend time researching and waiting for more to be known, but you have time to be angry right now. So, all you do is assume the facts are whatever would make you angriest and then rant away."
According to Woods, if later facts come out confirming he should be angry, he's already said what he needs to. If it ends up that he was angry for no reason, then he just forgets it and moves on to the next thing.
"It's just efficient, and there are always new things," Woods said. "With this method, I can just schedule angry time whenever it's most convenient — like checking social media during my morning coffee. No need to wait for rumor to become fact."
Woods remarked on how often assuming the worst became fact. He wasn't sure, though, how often he assumed the worst and was wrong, as he said he tends to just blot that from memory by quickly getting angry at a new thing.
At publishing time, Woods was angry about some new thing he had just read online five seconds ago.
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