XINJIANG, CHINA — Ahead of warm-ups for the 2025 WNBA All-Star Game, Uyghur slaves were seen dutifully sewing the words "Pay Us What You Owe Us" onto hundreds of shirts.
The slaves were reportedly motivated to do their best on the project because they care passionately about the plight of the struggling WNBA player, and also about avoiding mass beatings.
"My fingers hurt," said Slave #512. "But it's worth it if those poor women can get paid."
According to sources, the WNBA project ranks among the most fulfilling for Uyghur slaves who just hope their meager contribution to society can make a difference.
"We have to make a lot of Nike shoes and jerseys," said Slave #033 in between beatings. "It's refreshing to make a shirt that fights for fair pay in the WNBA. Those poor women have it so bad."
At publishing time, morale took a nosedive when the Uyghur slaves discovered conservative personality Matt Walsh had said WNBA players are worth precisely zero dollars.
Starbucks employees are fed up and taking matters into their own hands.
