Sixth Grader Swears His Science Homework Was Blown Up By A Sidewinder Missile
Family · Feb 18, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

BRANSON, MO — A young local student was forced to defend his integrity after his science project — a homemade weather balloon designed to collect atmospheric data — was destroyed by a Sidewinder missile fired from a strafing F-22 fighter jet.

"It wasn't my fault, I swear!" said Jared Gingles when questioned about his story. "I built the balloon, I tested it to make sure it worked, and when I was doing the final steps of the assignment, my homework was blown out of the sky by military aircraft."

Though Jared had never been a problem student, his teacher found his outlandish excuse difficult to believe. "I've been a schoolteacher for over 30 years," said Carla Riley. "I've heard just about every excuse there is, but this one about the United States Air Force shooting down a sixth-grade science project really takes the cake."

Despite skepticism from the school's faculty, Jared was adamant that he was telling the truth. "Why would I possibly make up something like that?!" he asked incredulously. "If I was going to make up an excuse for not doing my homework, I would at least make it sound more believable than that!"

At publishing time, Jared had been granted another chance to complete his homework project, though the new assignment — doing a report on a fully functioning food processing plant — was proving somewhat difficult.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.