BRANSON, MO — A young local student was forced to defend his integrity after his science project — a homemade weather balloon designed to collect atmospheric data — was destroyed by a Sidewinder missile fired from a strafing F-22 fighter jet.
"It wasn't my fault, I swear!" said Jared Gingles when questioned about his story. "I built the balloon, I tested it to make sure it worked, and when I was doing the final steps of the assignment, my homework was blown out of the sky by military aircraft."
Though Jared had never been a problem student, his teacher found his outlandish excuse difficult to believe. "I've been a schoolteacher for over 30 years," said Carla Riley. "I've heard just about every excuse there is, but this one about the United States Air Force shooting down a sixth-grade science project really takes the cake."
Despite skepticism from the school's faculty, Jared was adamant that he was telling the truth. "Why would I possibly make up something like that?!" he asked incredulously. "If I was going to make up an excuse for not doing my homework, I would at least make it sound more believable than that!"
At publishing time, Jared had been granted another chance to complete his homework project, though the new assignment — doing a report on a fully functioning food processing plant — was proving somewhat difficult.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
