WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was unclear how President Trump contracted COVID, but new video footage shows the real reason: Trump had leaped in front of Vice President Mike Pence to protect him from a sneezing supporter.
It's now believed that Trump contracted the illness while heroically saving his right-hand man. Trump reportedly saw a supporter not wearing a mask rear his head back to sneeze and jumped into action, sprinting over 50 feet to protect the vice president.
"Mike -- look out!" Trump cried as he jumped in front of the vice president, taking the full brunt of the bystander's sneeze. A stunned Pence was speechless, overwhelmed with gratitude for Trump's act of selfless sacrifice.
"I'm no hero," Trump said as he began his recovery from COVID in the Lincoln Bedroom. "I was just doing what Mike would have done for me. Ah -- CHOO!"
"But, quarantine isn't so bad. I get soup and cartoons, all day. Can you believe this coyote? He's a total failure! Hasn't so much as laid his hands on the roadrunner all day. A real loser! I'd catch the roadrunner in two, three hours tops."