U.S. — Several recent studies indicate that the most effective treatment for male depression is an old lady at the store asking you to reach something on a tall shelf for her.
According to a study just published in the American Psychological Journal, the entire field of treatment for male depression should be revised in order to more effectively let depressed men help out little old ladies at the supermarket.
"This is a truly monumental breakthrough," said Sigmund Garrity, who teaches psychology. "We've been wrong all these years — I mean, sure, exercise is good for you, but you ought to see the dopamine rush that comes from helping out a sweet old lady who just asked you to get a bar of unsweetened baking chocolate down from the top shelf."
Therapists across the country have begun advising depression patients to hang out in grocery stores already.
"I was a bit skeptical at first, but it works," confirmed Jackson Nably, who suffered from depression until a little old lady asked him to help get something down from the top shelf a few weeks ago. "I've been coasting off the high of that moment ever since."
At publishing time, psychologists had also discovered that the smell of gasoline was another incredibly effective remedy for male depression.
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