Scientists Determine Cereal Tastes The Best At 10 PM While Watching A True Crime Doc
Life · May 12, 2023 ·

U.S. — Researchers with the U.S. Food & Drug Administration have determined that cereal reaches its peak flavor at 10 pm if eaten on the couch while watching a true crime documentary.

"After 12 years of research and millions of dollars, our team has finally determined this to be the ideal way to eat breakfast cereal," said Dr. Dave Blart who led the research effort. "It far surpassed all other cereal-eating scenarios, including Saturday morning after a late-night party, 2 pm when you can't find any other food in the house, and after smoking weed."

For maximum deliciousness, scientists are recommending people pair something really unhealthy like Lucky Charms, Cap'n Crunch, or Cocoa Puffs with something depressing and gruesome, like Dateline NBC or Forensic Files.

"We're not sure when people started eating breakfast in the morning, but it's clear now this was a huge mistake," said Dr. Blart. "It should be bacon and eggs in the morning, cereal at night. We're thankful our research was finally able to correct this grave error."

At publishing time, the FDA had also found the best time to eat Taco Bell is at 2 am in your car in a Walmart parking lot.

Check out Hasbro's latest update to the classic board game "Guess Who?" - now with more genders, inclusion, and fun!* *Fun not guaranteed

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.