Scripture
Scholars Now Believe Jesus Called Pharisees 'Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers'

ISRAEL—Jesus was the master of dissing his theological foes, from calling the Pharisees a "brood of vipers" to telling the moneychangers in the temple that they had turned God's house into a "den of thieves." 

But textual scholars have discovered a new insult Jesus slung at the religious leaders of the day: "dog-faced pony soldiers."

According to researchers, the Messiah slammed the Pharisees for their hypocrisy and self-righteousness after they confronted him with their questions, declaring, "You're a dog-faced pony soldier!" and then challenging them to a push-up contest. "Let's go, me and you, right now." Jesus, of course, won the push-up contest with ease, as he holds the universe together by the mere force of his will.

At publishing time, scholars also confirmed Jesus bravely confronted gluttons by shouting out, "Listen, fat!"

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