LUXEMBOURG — Recent discoveries have revealed a motive behind Cain's decision to murder his brother Abel out in an open field. While it was long assumed that Cain chose this location due to its convenience — as Cain was a farmer and Abel was a shepherd, making fields an area the brothers had in common — scholars now agree that it is most likely that Cain murdered Abel in a field so their family's Elf on the Shelf would not see it.
"It certainly makes sense," said Dr. Ludvig Von Harpenbarber, Professor of Biblical Studies at the University of Luxembourg. "Cain would most definitely have known that the Elf on the Shelf would have witnessed his murderous actions if he were to commit them in the family's home. Preserving his innocence in the eyes of the Elf likely took on great importance to Cain."
In order to still get all of the Christmas gifts he really wanted, the scholars say, he needed to choose a location that would allow him to kill Abel unseen. "If the murder of Abel was observed by the Elf," said Dr. Von Harpenbarber, "then it is quite likely Cain would not receive his PS5."
At publishing time, archaeologists had found the bloodied body of Cain and Abel's Elf on the Shelf doll, believed to have been beaten to death by Cain in hopes of covering his tracks.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
