WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump was spotted on the roof of the White House Tuesday with none other than the Father of Lies, who reportedly offered him all the kingdoms of the world.
"Behold the kingdoms of the world in all their glory," Satan said, according to witnesses. "All these things I will give you, if you fall down and worship me."
But Trump refused, arguing that America was way better than any of those loser kingdoms. "Go away, Satan! For verily, I tell you, America first!" Trump reportedly sneered. "Besides, I'm the leader of the free world, you dummy. Those kingdoms are pretty much mine anyway. They do whatever I want, believe me."
According to reporters, Trump later brushed off the incident by saying he was just out for a walk on the roof, completely dismissing that The Accuser had brought him there. "I didn't want to give him power," Trump said. "You can't give the Devil an inch or he'll take a mile. I don't give miles."
This is not the first time Trump has been tempted by the Deceiver, who previously challenged him to turn an executive order into a bill and to jump off the Washington Monument and let his Secret Service save him.
"The Devil is a heck of a guy," Trump said later. "Slinky Satan, I call him. But listening to him is bad news, folks. I learned it all from Two Corinthians. Never bow to envy, I tell him. Never bow to envy. But he does, every time. Very sad."
At publishing time, Satan had departed from Trump, leaving him until an opportune time.
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